2.09.2012

City of Walls:Ch 15


         
 *Just an FYI-unusual opinions at play here. More note after story in order to avoid spoilers. also no footnotes today, maybe I'll add them later.

          Upon finding my old bot, parts, and tools, Sonj and I got to work. After 30 min. of silence she spoke up.
          "So..."
          "What?" I put my soldering iron back on the holder.
          "You never did say," She continued typing code on her holopad, "are you a Christian, like those people who left the city?"
          "Well," I could feel my brow wrinkle, "kinda, I guess."
          ""What do you mean, I guess? How can you not know if you've joined a cult or not"? Sonj minimized her work, and turned to face me.
          "First off, I didn't join anything. Second, they were not a cult. We talked about things." I turned and leaned my hip against the workbench. "Do I believe in God, yes. But I still have questions. I don't even know why there are so many different churches."
          "Does it matter?" Sonj stopped typing and looked over her shoulder at me.
          "I dunno, maybe." I haven't been to mass since I moved to Russia. "Look, as far as Christianity goes, I'm just looking for answers. I doubt anyone is going to be hunting me down."
          "Is that what happened to the others?" Now she turned her whole body, her eyes stern, one hand on the work bench.
          "I honestly have no idea. I know one family went to jail; that could be why others felt the need to leave town."
          "Alright so, you believe there is a god." Her shoulders lowered slightly. "What's that got to do with your life?"
          "God isn't some distant thing that remotely interacts with you. It's incredibly personal. I don't just believe in God, I believe Jesus Christ was his Son, and that not only did he die for me, but he came back from the dead for me." Sonj began to say something, but I held my hand up. "I know it sounds crazy, and I'm not even asking you to understand. Right now I'm not asking anything of you."
          "You asked me to watch my mouth."
          "I have never liked foul language. You know, even though we've been friends for a while, this is the most time we've spent together outside of work." I picked up the soldering iron and continued with the seam I had been working on. Sonj resumed typing out the code that would give the bot flexible search parameters to find either the modrpunks or Seraph.
          "Huh, we don't know all that much about each other do we?" She asked.
          We began exchanging stories from our youth. The next two hours were filled with tales of exploding rockets, hacking government sites, snow in Moscow, snow in Chicago, family, friends, parties, and dating.
          Sonj had finished tweaking the code long ago, and sat on a chair still wrapped in plastic cling. "Oh man, you're serious aren't you?"
          "Yup." I finished bolting the plate that covered the bot's internal wiring.
          "But," She burst into laughter for a few more seconds, "how could you think he had an actual rocket for you to see? I mean that line..." By now tears were attending her fit of glee.
          "I was in the university's rocket club, and I'd seen him on campus at one of the meetings. It made sense to me that he also had an interest in achieving planetary orbit through explosive means."Sonj let out a belly laugh at my phrasing. "It turned out that he usually got one date with that line. Apparently the other girls in The Rocketeers were somewhat desperate." I initiated the diagnostic program on the bot, then sat on the other chair Sonj had scrounged up after compiling her work.
          "Oh my..." She wiped her eyes clear. "But you weren't desperate enough to join him for an out of this world experience? Hehe" She sighed, breath slowing in an attempt at composure.
          "I never had much interest in dating guys."
          "Well that kinda limits who you can date."
          "Yeah, it does. After that failed experiment I should just say I'm not interested in dating period."
          "You exp..." Sonj's eyebrows popped up. "Oh you mean you really experimented? But I thought."
          "It was two years ago, and my experience with Anya was no different than with any other guy." I stood up and reached into a box behind my chair. I pulled a small wooden box, much like the one in my hidey hole, and sat back down. Once the lid was removed, two rows of precious gems and crystals could be seen. I picked up a diamond and attached it to the bracelet on my left wrist, then set the box on the floor.
          "All through high school I dated a few guys here, or there." A snap of my fingers opened my holopad to the image directory. I scrolled though pictures of myself standing next to various boys in a variety of settings. "I usually had a good time with most of these guys, but whenever the date came to an end, well. I mean, if I was having a good time hanging out and doing stuff; then shouldn't I have enjoyed doing stuff with at least one of those guys."
          "Sometimes there's just no chemistry. One or two dates is hard to tell. Most people don't put out on the first date." Sonj tapped my holopad. "I don't see one face repeated very often. Looks like a lot of one timers."
          "When I was younger I didn't date seriously." I flicked my fingers across the hovering images, flying past the represented years. I stopped at a picture of a young man in a t-shirt and jeans, seated on a bench next to me, also casually attired. "This is Dmitry, possibly the closest thing to my first love."
          "Still have no idea how this leads to a Anya." Sonj interrupted.
          "I'm getting there!" I said as I smacked her shoulder. "As I was saying before being rudely interrupted. I've known him since I moved to Russia; he was the Gulf's nephew. We were friends right from the start, and we were as thick as thieves. One day, after complaining about another bad date, he asked me if the problem was the guys I was choosing. I asked what he meant, and he said that none of those guys were people I spent time with to just have fun. Then he kissed me."
          "Aww, I bet you were as giddy as a little school girl."
          "Nope, I was just confused. He was embarrassed. But we started dating. Dmitry is very special to me, but anytime things got physical, I just felt awkward and frustrated. After a year, we broke things off. He thought I didn't feel anything more than friendship for him. But I cared very strongly for him, and his touch didn't repulse me. I just wasn't aroused by him. After that I didn't date again through the rest of school, or the first few months at Moscow either."
          "Which leads us to Nikolay and his marvelous member." Sonj quirked her eyebrow.
          "Thankfully, he wasn't a jerk, just very...odd." I flicked more pictures by, these featuring a girl with raven tresses. "He took me home, and apologized for the mix-up. But after that night, I began to think. He thought his intentions were obvious, even you said the line was blatant." I selected a pic of us, sitting at a picnic table, along with a few other girls.
          "Anya looks like a pretty little thing." Sonj said as she gazed at the short haired, green eyed, dimpled creature. "If nothing else, all these pics prove you have good taste."
          "I guess, but it feels like everyone of them chose me, not the other way around. I went to a few of the GL meet-ups, mainly to ask questions. Anya was the first person I met. My question sessions led to dinner, then more." I paused, groping for words, unsure how to approach my last relationship.
          "Did you love her?" Sonj injected into the silence.
          "No. I liked her about as much as any of the other guys I dated when I was younger." I snapped my fingers twice, closing the photo gallery. "There was nothing special there. Not even the awkwardness I felt before. We didn't see each other for long. After two months she thought I was in denial. But I don't think that was the problem." I picked up the wooden case from the floor.
          "Are you sure, Tara? Are you gonna give up on dat..."
          "Give up on dating, yes." I cut off the rest of her sentence. "Wanna hear an old joke I heard in my Chem lab?"
          "No I don't want."
          "What is an acceptable demonstration of insanity?" I interrupted Sonj again. "Its performing the same experiment repeatedly, and expecting a different outcome. All I did was change one variable, nothing else, and got the same results. I don't like, or enjoy doing those kinds of things, with anyone. Dmitry was the only break up that hurt me. But even him, if he were to come back to me now, I don't think I could even enjoy kissing him, let alone... Never mind." I detached the diamond from my wrist and returned it to its place, then stood up and left the case on the chair. "It doesn't matter because he has his own life in Moscow." I walked over to the work table, glancing at the small timestamp projected above the bot's access panel.
          "Sorry, I didn't think this bothered you so much." Sonj placed a hand on my left shoulder. I turned to face her. "I'll leave it alone, and promise to stop trying to get you to date." Her lips twisted into a sly half smile. "I'll just get you three cats, and tell you about my aunt Density."
          My eyebrows rose. "Density? You have got to making that up."
          "Her mother liked the name Destiny, but wanted something different." Her hand fell from my shoulder. "So how much longer do we need to wait for your little robot?"
          "Looks like we got less than five minutes. How about we start clearing up all this stuff." I said as I motioned to the chairs and worktable.
          "Alright." Sonj said as she began picking up tools and returning them to their proper package. I walked over to the chairs, picked up the wooden case and began to close it. Before the lid snapped shut, the light of the room gleamed off the jade stone I stored all my i-reads. All those romance stories, did they just fill my head with nonsense? Is it truly unrealistic to actually yearn for a caress of the cheek? Or a tender kiss? Am I not so odd for feeling the way that I did, back then? How can I ever know?


*Author's note.
My own personal opinions are not displayed here. I tried keeping the character from certain decisions, but Tara has a mind of her own. Personally, I believe homosexuality is a sin. Do I believe Gay people are vile, horrible monsters? No. There are just people, like you, or me; who is, by the way, a sinner as well. 
Feel free to and tell me how you feel about this; whether  or not I handled it well, as well as your opinions on my personal point of view.